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In today’s episode, Allan is honored to welcome Dr. Barbara Dalle Pezza. Dr. Barbara is an internationally recognized coach, leadership development expert, and author of “The Unexpected Gift.” Allan and Barbara discuss why entrepreneurs should embrace change and transformation within themselves. Investing money to pursue a coach or attend a masterclass is an important leap, crucial for personal growth. It is quite common for entrepreneurs to have limiting beliefs, and they are so hard to break through. An important reminder is that anything is possible when you are limitless!
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Allan has started and grown several multi million dollar businesses, his mission is to help you do the same. Welcome to the Business Growth Pod, building the future one entrepreneur at a time.
Hey, everyone, welcome to the show. I’m Allan. I’m a family man and attorney and an entrepreneur. Each week, we provide resources and advice to help build your business. Are you ready? Then let’s go. Hey, everyone, welcome to the show. today. I’m excited and honored to welcome to the show, Dr. Barbara Dalle Pezze. Did I get that right, Barbara? That’s awesome. You did very well. Okay. Barbara is an internationally recognized coach leadership development expert. And she’s the author of the book called The Unexpected Gift. Welcome to the show. Barbara, thank you so much for having me. Here. It is a pleasure and then longer, Allan. So tell us a little bit about your background. What kind of got you interested, what was it about the leadership, the coaching industry, just kind of rewind to that moment where you’re like, hey, that’s an industry that I think I would do really well. And what was it? What was that kind of scenario?
Actually, you know, Allen, there was not such a moment. Because it was very natural for me. And let me tell you a story. So my great grandmother, she was called the wise of the village, the Wise One. And so she was from a small village in Italy. I’m Italian originally. And so people from the village will go to her and they would ask her for advice and her thoughts on matters for their families or the village. And I think that I somehow have a similar gift. Because when I was in my 20s, my friends without knowing about my great grandmother would do the same with me. And for me, it has been always very, very natural to care about my friends at the time and wanting to contribute to them. And since they would ask me for advice or ask for my opinion, and I would give it that naturally organically translated into my passion for helping and contributing to the lives of others. So I think that that’s actually what moved me to the coaching profession eventually, that at that time when I was in my 20s, I didn’t know it existed as a profession. Once I discovered it, I was like, Oh, that’s good. So that’s what it is. So I think I’m good at that.
And so you’re like so there’s this career where I get to help people, right, which is what I was doing before I knew that such a career existed.
Exactly. That’s exactly it. So once I discovered and I knew that there was a career that I could build on that, then I of course deepen my understanding and my learning and studies and all that I needed to do in order to be a professional that can actually leverage that gift, do contribute to the people’s life.
Yeah, I love that. And I think that there are a bunch of different industries, pretty much every industry depending on the heart of the person where you can help people. And it’s okay, I think it’s okay to provide a good service at a reasonable price. Right? A lot of people I was just talking to my brother last night, actually. And he, he has a small photography business. And he’s talking about how he gives away 50 to 60% of his work, he just gives it away for free. And I think it’s okay, correct me if I’m wrong, Barbara, I think it’s okay for us to provide a good service and help people and charge for it.
I totally agree. Actually, I think that it is good also for people that ask for our services, because that is an element that makes you responsible and own what you want to achieve with your life in which your commitment and because investment and money for the services are very sensitive. And I’m speaking from my perspective as a coach, people do need to be committed to what they do and because people understand money, does a great point. That is a very important element not because you want to be greedy but the value of that asset. Could you give and the commitment of people that want to invest in coaching, which is my field? For example? Right?
Yeah, I think that’s a great point. Because you have to have buy in, I think, is what you’re ultimately saying, right? Like, when we’re trying to change ourselves, when we’re trying to improve, we need a couple of different elements, because change is, so against who human beings are, right? We want to stay in the same place, we want to be around the same people, we want to think the same things. It’s the really successful people are the ones that get comfortable being uncomfortable, comfortable changing. And in order to kind of, I can kind of see that as a little bit of a carrot, right? If you’re like, hey, this course cost money, me coaching, you cost money, it’s not free. And when they put that out there, then it becomes like, Okay, well, now I’ve invested in, I better actually do something and get some value out of it, right, because a lot of what you’re doing, you can kind of lead the horse to water, but you can’t make them drink, right. And so they’re gonna have to go through some of those processes on their own, and making them invest something, at least the money upfront, and then time, effort, energy, emotion down the road, is what really allows them to change.
Yes, and also because the work that I do, it is not easy. It is tough, because I like to go deep, because change in transformation happens when we change the way we think when we are aware of how we see ourselves when we are aware, and we know what we believe in and what moves is. And so it is something that as you say change is difficult. Because once you have changed, things are different situations are different, you are not in the same place. And therefore you need to be open to what doesn’t feel like something that’s familiar to you. And investing the money I said before helps you in those moments, because it does give you responsibility, it does give you back your power, actually, because I have put some value the money into this. And now I’m asked to transform and does this stuff. And somehow having invested brings it together and really motivates me at the first level. After that first motivation, then you need to be really committed, and you really need to be highly motivated to transform and you do need to want to move to the next level in your life. Otherwise, it is not worth it. It is better if you keep your money and you don’t quit.
You know what I think there’s some great parallels between this this example of you know, hiring a coach and starting a business, right? Most of my listeners, they’re either entrepreneurs that are already in a successful business trying to get it to the next level, or they are people that are on the cusp, really ready to take the next step, take that leap and pull the trigger with their business. But this is a great example, right? Because they get to this point, and they’re like, okay, am I going to do this, am I not going to do this. And when they start spending money, that’s a very early thing to do. One of the first things you do is you start getting bank accounts, you start getting logos, stuff like that, start getting a website, you’re investing money, and there’s more money investment up front, in terms of a ratio than time, right, but then over you know, the next few years, then it’s more of a time, then you’re investing, it’s not just money anymore. Now you’re investing your time, your emotions, your energy, all of these things. And you wouldn’t have done that, unless in the beginning, you invested some money. And so sometimes I use this analogy of how you got to burn your boats, you really have to put yourself out there because as an entrepreneur, there’s just it’s easy to quit. It is
if I may add on, it is also a way for you actually to already move to the next level. You want to commit to the coaching, you want to do the experience, you want to transform and change. So investing the money to do that already, if it is uncomfortable for you already moves you to a next level. So you are already operating, acting an experience in what you’re looking for, because it stretches you right. And I think that that is very important. If I think about my own story, I invested money that was not comfortable for me to invest for studying for becoming better as a professional for doing musters for doing courses, certifications. And it has not always been easy. Actually. I remember the first time I invested an amount of money there was beyond what I thought was my possibility and yet, I thought, well, if I asked my client to leap into a different dimension, let them do that. Let me start with my own experience. And so I did and it is amazing. When you stretch yourself, even just with that, and as said, money is a sensitive element in people’s lives, when you do that, then the perspective changes, your motivation is stronger, your focus is there. And that’s what you need to actually start an amazing coaching process and especially want to grow as a leader.
Yeah, that’s fantastic. with entrepreneurs Change is inevitable, right? we evolve or we die our businesses ourselves. When we start investing in ourselves, I think that like, taking that step means a lot, it means a lot to ourselves, because we’re like, Look, I’m good enough to do this entrepreneurs, we suffer a lot from the imposter syndrome, no matter what level we get to, we’re like, we don’t belong here. Even you know, you have a multi year, multi million dollar successful company, you still feel like, man, it was luck or whatever. But as you invest in yourself, then you’re saying, okay, you know, what, no, I’m, I deserve this. I’m good enough. Like, you know, I’ve had a lot to do with our success. As we’re, I’m going to fast forward to a point in a scenario with somebody that you work with, okay, we already know what they need to work on. And now they’re in the position where they have to start doing things and making deliberate change. What are things that you’re telling them, that convince them or persuade them to get outside of their comfort zone to do things they really don’t want to do to change? How do you as a coach, kind of get them moving in the right direction with change?
What I would say with respect of this question, is that I am not persuading anybody. What I am helping them do it is to actually recognize their purpose and their motivation, and find their own reason for wanting to transform and change. So if they came to me, and if they are working with me is because already they sense that they wanted to change. Now that they have to do it, what I help them do is explore and discover the deeper root and purpose why they are going to actually go through with the transformation and the change. I am definitely not bringing in any persuasion, or no, I’m helping them to find their own absolutely powerful. Why? And that’s what will move them. I’m just a channel if you want, right, where they can actually see through, or I helped them see and discover that. So that’s all their power. That’s what moves them. It’s not the court.
Yeah, I love that concept, right? Because the greatest motivations, the greatest purpose that we have, they come from within people don’t give them to us. And in today’s day and age, with social media and everything, we think that the likes and the comments and the follows and the recognition and the acclamation and all this stuff, is what motivates us. And that’s temporary, right? That’s like sugar in our diet. Right? It feels good for the moment, but it doesn’t give us the nutrition, the motivation that we need. And so what are some of the things what are some questions, you’re asking Barbara, that are helping individuals find their motivation that are helping them dig deep inside to want to change?
Well, I always ask many questions. I am a philosopher before being a quote. So questioning is something I really love. So I asked him about what is important for them, what is that they value? And what is did they actually believe in about themselves about the lives How do they see themselves? So what I do when my questions like these ones, right that then you need the context to be more specific with the questions but what I do, if I may use a metaphor, let’s imagine a watch a Patek Phillipe because it’s beautiful, right, and they have this beautiful glass. And you can see in the back, you can see the engine and the engine on the watch. They are beautiful. They are very detailed, they are clear, oiled, so to speak, they move smoothly, right. So with my question to what I do, I help them identify those inner engines, those tiny little pieces so that they work well together, they discover which pieces inside what is so essential for them. And once there is I call this inner transparency, once I help them with my questions, and again, they will become specific questions once there is a context right. But the goal is to help them have this clarity and this inner transparency as to What moves them and what actually take them, move them forward. And then once they see that, and once they recognize it, that’s done. That’s done, basically, then we go into, okay, now we take action. But first, here it is your motivation. That’s what moves you we explore, we expand that as well. And it is amazing how, from my experience, when people actually start to see identify, sense, feel those engines, then everything become easier that change and transformation that we send before we tend to resist is something that actually you want to move forward and toward, right. So it’s beautiful, it is really powerful. And I love the experience that I see them going through.
I love this concept of introspection and kind of looking in inside. Because a lot of the motivational experts, business coaches, things like that, kind of a common theme is that as individuals, we want to be consistent with who we believe we are. Right? If we believe we’re an entrepreneur, we act like an entrepreneur would act, if we believe that we’re a good person, we’re going to act like we would believe a good person would act. And as we do this introspection and we find out, well, who am I like? What do I believe in? Right? Some of those questions that you’re asking, you know, what do I value? What are the most important moments in my life, then we can kind of learn, like what we can do to be consistent with those ideas and feelings that we have about ourselves.
Yes, and we can also see where we are limiting ourselves, right? Because the idea that we have about who we are, might not be our own idea, it might be that we never explored it. And it is an idea that we have had since we were kids, and now we don’t realize that maybe we need to upgrade that concept of who we are that we are constantly expanding in a work in progress. And therefore with the questioning, then you discover, oh, wait a minute, I am also that I never thought about it. And so from that expanded idea, what do I see differently? What can I imagine differently? What can I vision for myself. So the idea of going deeper, a little bit deeper, if you’re an intrapreneur, of course, you are interested in results and in getting your business growing and developing what’s possible. And at the same time, in order to do this, you do need to expand where you think not only about business, but also about yourself, and I help my client, seeing kind of the box, we are all in and transforming that box like expanding like pushing the walls so that we can actually enlarge it and expand and introduce new elements updated and upgraded. And possibly really open it up so that there are no impossibilities, right, anything becomes possible. And that’s what I love, at least for people intrapreneurs any individuals to think that anything is possible. And the limitation is really just a box you’re in and the kind of thoughts and the kind of mental mindset, the mental map that we have. That’s our limitation. And so I want them to see that. And then they can decide how to expand, if they want to experiment. Maybe they say No, you know what, that’s fine. I am okay with that. I just want you to be aware, that’s where you stand.
I think that it’s very common for entrepreneurs, for business owners to have these limiting beliefs. And they’re so hard to break through sometimes, right. And I think a great tactic, a great strategy for that is a lot of the things that you were saying along those same lines of, you know, first of all, believing, you know, anything’s possible for individuals. And people think they have these limiting beliefs. They think, Oh, I was born in this situation, I grew up in that situation, I don’t have the education, I don’t have the financial means. And they as opposed to creating the, you know, top 10 lists of the reasons why they can or should do something, they create the top 10 reasons why they shouldn’t or they can’t, and then they review those over and over and over. And they focus on those things as opposed to focusing on the reasons why they can. And I think that’s a great reason to use somebody to kind of work through this with you like, Hey, no, I understand where you’re coming from, but try thinking, you know, you’re using the, you know, the example of a box and thinking outside of the box, right, getting them kind of out of their comfort zone. And so they’re not limited by those beliefs. But she’s Barbara it’s hard sometimes, right? Because we’ve been having these beliefs, you know, for 2030 years.
Absolutely. And nobody said that it is going to be easy. And it is true. It is art and If we want to actually transform and have something different in our lives, because that’s what we’re looking for, we are looking for something that fits better with the idea that in this moment we have about ourselves with our vision of our life and our business. We don’t want to be discouraged, surprised or let go of the opportunity to change just because it is difficult. And especially if you are an intrapreneur, you love challenges. It is just an ethical challenge, because we are used to especially if you are intrapreneurs, you are used to think about challenges. It’s something that doesn’t pertain to you personally, exactly. outside in the business and suppliers are, right,
yep, that’s exactly right. We get caught in this, like, Hey, I’m a problem solver. I build businesses, I build people, I train people, I hire great people, I create systems, I do all these things. But then when it comes to us, it’s like, oh, no, no, right? It’s like, I’m not focused on me, I’m focused on my business. Right?
Yes. And back to the box, it is when we say thinking outside the box, it seems like really, we need to be creative and being innovative. But what I mean is really, first of all, actually become aware that you are within the box, right? So everything that you experience and you are living is within a certain box within a certain bubble, right. So I love to say also, it is as if we need to go around poking bubbles. So we can actually become aware and really see that there is so much more than what they are used to experience, feel and think. Right. So it is not just thinking outside the box. As then I am creative and innovative. It is being outside the box. So I think feel an experience and relate differently. So it’s a lot.
So as entrepreneurs are trying to kind of focus on their limiting beliefs and overcome them. What are some of the mistakes that you see are made? What are some challenges that they that they encounter frequently, in terms of changing their beliefs, their limiting beliefs? Yeah, as they’re kind of going through this process, they’ve identified Hey, okay, here’s some of my limiting beliefs. Here’s some of my objectives and my motivations, these are the things I’m trying to accomplish, what are some mistakes that they make, trying to overcome those limiting beliefs or, you know, just getting caught up in the process?
I think that one mistake or if it is a mistake, but an experience that is often an obstacle can be an obstacle is actually moving from being in your head, and therefore keep rationalizing whatever you do who you are. And so keeping the experience in your mind, and instead bringing it into your body and into the emotions. So instead of, again, staying in your head, meaning I just keep repeating the same question in the same thought and try to solve and trying to say, oh, how can I change this by thinking just thinking differently? I think that what is difficult, and it is a level of evolution, in terms of how I know myself is to move from the head, into the heart. So actually feel what could be different. So just relying on your mind, instead of relying also on your emotions and the sensations of your body while you’re thinking certain thoughts. Right? So it’s, it’s not really a mistake, but actually what is an obstacle is to integrate the word mind with the work of the heart, and the support of physical sensations.
Yeah, I love this concept. And it actually reminds me a lot of visualizing, right? So the exact purpose why I do it is to connect my mind with my emotions, right? My mind with my heart, where I have goals, but then I visualize, okay, five years down the road, 10 years down the road when I am imagining, you know, some goals like for example, relationships with my children, like how I want those relationships to be, I imagined myself 10 years down the road. I even all imagine myself looking in the mirror, seeing that I’m aged, I’m 10 years older, seeing my kids. I have a three year old daughter seen her at 13. Right? How do I feel? How does that make me feel talking to her? How am I talking to her our she talking to me? What are we doing? How are we spending our time? And so what it’s doing is it’s kind of allowing me to make decisions about the future right now. Right You have begin with the end in mind. Write, but it also connects my mind with my heart. So that I can it’s a lot about not just my goals on paper, but the feeling, how am I going to feel when I achieve those goals? Yeah. And I think that what you have just described, and I would add, also try to imagine the sense of what is around and what is in the space when you will be with you. So, what it does, as you say it kind of forward the future, it brings it to now, so that you expand your now as well with the possibility of the future. And I think that that’s exciting. That is inspiring. And it is definitely not boring, because it is like a 3d experience that is made with all the human elements, right? We don’t need to goggle yet. Unit but we can do it also, without that. And I think that that is very powerful. Because, as we know, our brain does not distinguish from what is really what we are imagining, and what is our vision. And so basically, we are bringing closer to us an experience that we can imagine and feel in the future. But that can bring the effect in the present. And I think that that’s very powerful. And I think that that gives us a new level of motivation, for example. And we experienced that I’m sure that if you imagine you’re 13 years old daughter today, the way you move in your environment with her might be different than what you do if you don’t imagine that and you don’t bring it to today. So back to the idea of changing and changing is challenging. That could be a way to actually move into the future, bring it back and operate from an expanded vision of your present. Yeah. And I think it helps with motivation, because it helps us realize what’s at stake, right? Because we’re so our world today, we’re so concerned with what’s happening right now, right? What do I get right now. And I feel like as time goes on, we’re less and less willing to sacrifice for the long term. But all the good stuff is the stuff you spend years working on money, career relationships, you know, your relationship with God, or a spiritual being right, all of these things, you don’t snap your fingers, and they happened. And so when we visualize when we think about those things that we need to change, and we put it in context of 510 years down the road, we’re not making knee jerk reactions, and just doing the easier thing, right.
Absolutely. And also, I would say that by doing this, it helps us to bring more gravitas to the present. Right, because as you say, you do have a vision and the vision is brought into the present. And the present, therefore, gets really more value more gravitas, that it becomes a different substance somehow. And that is very entrenched us as well in that in the idea we have of who we are and how we operate in our environment. So I think this is very powerful. Because we don’t know the future, of course, and we do not know what will happen in the future, right. But if we use this vision you’re talking about, and we bring it to the present, and we let it in color, so to speak, our present and our present become, allow me to say kind of out of time, and so, so dense with meaning. And that’s what we need, we do need to find meaning in every moment that we leave so that that vision that might or might not happen, just because we don’t know. But we of course want it to happen. It becomes more substantial. And it colors our reality in such a beautiful way. performance.
Yeah. And then we start acting consistently with it, right. And a lot of this is going on subconsciously, where it’s like, Hey, you know, this is what I want to manifest for myself. These are the relationships, these are the changes that I want to manifest in my life. And I think you are talking through with people about, hey, let’s talk about what your motivations are. What are the things that you believe in? What are your personal thoughts about who you are? It allows them to kind of go through that exercise, yes,
and upgrade, and upgrade their perspective in alignment with their vision, which is what you said
before? Yeah, that’s awesome. Barbara, leave us with a couple of closing thoughts. I want you to tell us how people can learn more about all these excellent things that you’re doing. I know you have a website out there. I’m interested to get my hands on your book. It looks like it’s still in a pre order. Phase,
actually, the book is now available on Amazon. It is, as they say, your life stories, your leadership story. So actually it is a more that helped me actually wrote it, because are the steps I went through in the past 15 years of my life that was very challenging, and they built actually everything I based my professional on. So I think it is quite an interesting perspective. It is a memoir of my twins. Awesome. Do you talk a little bit about your great grandma at all? And they’re not my great grandma. But there is definitely some interesting stories of my retitling past. So yes, good. So where do people find out more about you, Barbara. So I am on social media, of course, LinkedIn with my name, Barbara Lipetsk, they can find me there and they can write to me, I’m always very happy to receive emails and questions if they have some. My website also is good place www dot Barbara validated.com. And that’s it. And then of course, in my book, I am there. And there are contexts in the book as well. And it is the unexpected gift and it is available on Amazon.
Awesome. Well, I appreciate you spending some time with us. I love talking about you know how entrepreneurs can become better versions of themselves and, and if nothing else, I want them to take away you know, this concept of, hey, you have to work on yourself too. You have to work on your business. You have to work on your people. You have to work on development, but don’t forget self development. Excellent. Thanks so much for joining me. Thank you very much, Ellen. It was a great, great honor to be here. My pleasure.
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